I was browsing through my social media account the other day. I came across a picture of a group of individuals, all of whom I used to be close friends with. They looked happy, they were smiling, and they were carrying on about how much they meant to each other.
That's when it hit me.
They used to mean that to me. I used to mean that to them (or at least I thought).
You see, about five years ago I fell critically ill. The beginning of my freshman year of high school. While others were starting the "time of their lives" I was starting the worst time of mine. While everyone around me formed friendships, some of which will last forever, I was slowly losing mine. I just didn't know it at that time.
I had many friendships, some were casual acquaintances, some were close friends, and some I considered family. I spent majority of my time with the same group of people, hanging out and having sleepovers. When we weren't spending every minute together, we were texting, on the phone, or finding some other way of being in contact. Whenever I had a conflict, they were who I would run too. If I needed to vent to someone, they were who I confided in.
But somehow, eventually, we found ourselves in a gray area. We were stuck in a dormant friendship that we would soon realize would never become active again.
Maybe losing these friendships wouldn't have bothered me so much if it was under different circumstances. But while I was in the fight for my life, they were in the fight to form other friendships. During the time that I needed someone most, they were nowhere to be found. The phone calls stopped. The text messages were sparse and far in between. I stopped getting invited to their sleepovers and our friendships quickly came to a halt.
I experienced the roller coaster of emotions. I was heartsick, resentful, full of hatred, and enraged. I couldn't understand how my "friends" could ever so easily walk out of my life as if I never meant anything to them. But it is only now that I realized they're not "friends." Friends don't walk away when the going gets tough. Friends don't shut you out over the fact that your being ill, is inconvenient for them. True friends are there for you, despite the ups and downs.
However, I'm not on the roller coaster anymore. I'm no longer any of those feelings. I guess you could say I'm just neutral. I don't hate them, and I don't think I ever really did. I just hated the fact that things had to turn out the way that they did. I'm not resentful towards them. I was, but not anymore.
I hope they are doing well and that life will continue to treat them good. I hope that when there comes a time and they need a friend, that they can look to their right and have somebody by their side. I hope that one day they see my picture, while they are scrolling through their social media. I hope they realize how much the loss of their friendship hurt me, and I hope it hurts them.
That's when it hit me.
They used to mean that to me. I used to mean that to them (or at least I thought).
You see, about five years ago I fell critically ill. The beginning of my freshman year of high school. While others were starting the "time of their lives" I was starting the worst time of mine. While everyone around me formed friendships, some of which will last forever, I was slowly losing mine. I just didn't know it at that time.
I had many friendships, some were casual acquaintances, some were close friends, and some I considered family. I spent majority of my time with the same group of people, hanging out and having sleepovers. When we weren't spending every minute together, we were texting, on the phone, or finding some other way of being in contact. Whenever I had a conflict, they were who I would run too. If I needed to vent to someone, they were who I confided in.
But somehow, eventually, we found ourselves in a gray area. We were stuck in a dormant friendship that we would soon realize would never become active again.
Maybe losing these friendships wouldn't have bothered me so much if it was under different circumstances. But while I was in the fight for my life, they were in the fight to form other friendships. During the time that I needed someone most, they were nowhere to be found. The phone calls stopped. The text messages were sparse and far in between. I stopped getting invited to their sleepovers and our friendships quickly came to a halt.
I experienced the roller coaster of emotions. I was heartsick, resentful, full of hatred, and enraged. I couldn't understand how my "friends" could ever so easily walk out of my life as if I never meant anything to them. But it is only now that I realized they're not "friends." Friends don't walk away when the going gets tough. Friends don't shut you out over the fact that your being ill, is inconvenient for them. True friends are there for you, despite the ups and downs.
However, I'm not on the roller coaster anymore. I'm no longer any of those feelings. I guess you could say I'm just neutral. I don't hate them, and I don't think I ever really did. I just hated the fact that things had to turn out the way that they did. I'm not resentful towards them. I was, but not anymore.
I hope they are doing well and that life will continue to treat them good. I hope that when there comes a time and they need a friend, that they can look to their right and have somebody by their side. I hope that one day they see my picture, while they are scrolling through their social media. I hope they realize how much the loss of their friendship hurt me, and I hope it hurts them.