On a different note, January 13th would of been my first day back for classes this semester, but unfortunately I am not going back to school for the time being. This was an extremely hard decision but it was decided that it would be best for not only myself and my physical health, but for my mental well-being too. I need some time, how ever long it may take, to get things sorted out. Last semester did not turn out the greatest because of how much I missed, my lack of concentration, and just a mountain of reasons why. I was looking at more advanced classes, and not my general education courses, for this semester as I started working more towards my degree. With so many more reasons involved, I realized I didn't have much of a choice and needed to take some time away from school before I dug a deeper hole for myself (more so than I already have.) After some time, I will eventually join back in school and work towards a career and develop my passion for what I want to do. But for now, I need to work on myself...
On January 3rd-12th my best friend came to stay! She lives in Pennsylvania and around 7 hours away, so we don't get to see each other and spend as much time together as we would like, so it's amazing when we get the chance too! This was the fourth time we've gotten the chance to be with each other and the first time for more than 2 days! It's amazing to have a friend who also fights a list of chronic illnesses! There's no pressure to feel as if we have to be out of the house and physically doing things to have fun, because we both personally understand that our bodies aren't quite capable of much. However, we did get out for some things, but it was special to be able to lay in bed with someone, and not having the feeling of guilt because you aren't able to do anything. While most friends talk about boys and average drama, we talked about doctors, testing, sickness, the highs and the lows, and shared things other people wouldn't understand. We have 138 more days until our next meet-up, but we both decided that's too long, so we're hoping to squeeze a quick visit in the meantime! ☺
A general, overall mini health update-
I have been back and forth with my doctors with some of the same issues, worsening ones, and new ones. We're adding new problems to my list and working more in depth with my Neurologist who also manages my Mito. We've stopped some of my treatments, including the new/risky/big treatment plan we just started a little over a month ago because of the interference with my Mito. So, we're figuring out a second Care Conference to discuss my other option that was brought up at my first meeting, but we didn't talk in depth about it because we were not pursuing that option at that time. This time we need to make sure everyone is on track and paying more attention to the complications my new treatments have on all of my illnesses and especially the Mito. (which didn't work out quite so well the first time around.)
I have been back and forth with my doctors with some of the same issues, worsening ones, and new ones. We're adding new problems to my list and working more in depth with my Neurologist who also manages my Mito. We've stopped some of my treatments, including the new/risky/big treatment plan we just started a little over a month ago because of the interference with my Mito. So, we're figuring out a second Care Conference to discuss my other option that was brought up at my first meeting, but we didn't talk in depth about it because we were not pursuing that option at that time. This time we need to make sure everyone is on track and paying more attention to the complications my new treatments have on all of my illnesses and especially the Mito. (which didn't work out quite so well the first time around.)
Feeling a tad more frustrated and upset lately. Some people have become "used to" my illnesses. They walk around and have become used to the fact that I am sick and they expect me to act the same way. There will never become a time where I will be "used to" my illnesses. They are genetic, progressive, and degenerative illnesses. There is a significant part of living with these illnesses I don't talk about, there's a significant part of the suffering that you don't know about, and there is a lot of issues you can't see. So, according to you, I may "look great" but that doesn't give you the right to make the assumption that I am "feeling great" as well. My illnesses are invisible. Meaning you cannot see the organ damage happening and the damage that's already taken place. You cannot physically see the path of destruction my body is on, all thanks and regards to my illnesses. I just wish people would try to understand. It's hard...
"So when you feel like hope is gone, look inside you and be strong. And you'll finally see the truth, that a hero lies in you."
"So when you feel like hope is gone, look inside you and be strong. And you'll finally see the truth, that a hero lies in you."